He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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