i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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