Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
