you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
