I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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