We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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