just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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