is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
