well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
