are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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