I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Mom said you looked used
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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