my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
