Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
