i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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