Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
