I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
