OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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