The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
