whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
