morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize