So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
