i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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