dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize