I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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