wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
