why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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