what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
