i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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