what day is it and did you see me today?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
