omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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