Three words: puerto rican gang bang
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
