i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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