you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
