I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The adults are the big ones right?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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