my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
