I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
