I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
