That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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