wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
