You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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