i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
