She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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