I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
