3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
