is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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