dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
