Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
