When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
