Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
