Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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