some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
