Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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