Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize