dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
