i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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