Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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