there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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