That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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