I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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