very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
