Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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