Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize