I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Dear god my vagina.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
