yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
