Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
