you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
