My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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