When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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