if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
