ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
