I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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