bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
