Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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