The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
