You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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