Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
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