I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
