had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
