If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He did a backflip because drugs
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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