I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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