I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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