he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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