I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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