do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
