I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My ass is underappreciated
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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