My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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