i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
