I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
