Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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