Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize