I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
