I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize