3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
