He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
