apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
