so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
